Relationships

Relationships. They are a very important part of our lives, in many different ways. But I am not talking about the everyday relationships that we hold dear. I'm talking about the "dating" relationship, if it can even be called that.

      I have been giving a lot of thought to this subject, and I'm not sure if I came to any sort of conclusion in this matter. However, I, being 28 and still single, am not sure what I think about it. My adventures in dating are very brief, having been in one such relationship like that, and that being over 8 years ago. At this point in life, I am not even sure if I would even be able to handle myself in a relationship. I wouldn't even know what to do! And it this lack of experience that has caused my to be afraid. Afraid to even be in a relationship of that magnitude. "Why would you be afraid?" you may be asking. Well thats a good question.

    You see having been single for such a long time, I am not sure if I would even be able to do what is needed to maintain a dating relationship, I don't even know what to do! Plus, the chances of said relationships not working out are stacked against me. So I ask myself,"do I really want to invest myself into something that more then likely isn't going to last?" I know it's a fairly cynical way of looking at it, but having already been hurt before I am not sure if I want to take the risk.

      However, this is weighed against my desire to be with someone, to have someone to love, and someone who loves me, to have a family, and so on and so forth. And so I play with the idea of finding someone to be with, to stop being lonely and finally have someone to love. But where does one go to find such a thing? The bar scene is completely out of the question, you're not going to find a relationship that is worthwhile in that sort of environment. There is the church. However, my experience in the church setting has been less then fulfilling. Now don't get me wrong, the church is a wonderful place for relationships to help you grow and mature, and to help through those dark and troubling times in life, just not really suitable for dating. I have found, being a single young man, that within the church that there is a attitude among young women, and young men as well, that dating is bad, and that God will bring "the one" into their lives. I believe that this mind set has caused many people to miss out on what God has for them. They are so caught up with "the one", their knight in shining armor thats going to come and sweep them off their feet, that they miss who God actually has for them, and end up settling for someone really not right for them because they get so tired of being lonely. Having been invloved in that very scenario, I don't think the church is a good place to find that someone.

      So where does that leave me? Still single and lonely, with no real place to find and meet people. I was having a conversation with a friend of mine recently, and she brought up online dating sites. It has worked for her, and through such a one has found someone, and it has worked out well for them. Although I see the merits in such a medium, I am still a skeptical about the whole concept. Now, while I have nothing to lose from the whole things, it seems to me that it's a cop out. But then again, to be perfectly honest, I am afraid of it. What would happen if it DID work,and I find someone and we live happily ever after? Although that sounds nice and wonderful, to me it is frightening and scary. I would rather face a horde of zombies with only a crowbar, then face that dream. You always wake up from a dream.

       I don't know. I don't have any answers, or claim to know much of anything. But I do know this for certain. When it comes to the idea of relationships I am terrified. Yes it is an irrational fear, but I do not know how to overcome it. And yet at the same time I am tired of being alone, and being alone for the rest of life terrifies me at the same time. So here I am caught between fear and terror, and know not where to go.